Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Long and Lonely Road

We moved in June. Sold the cute house. Quit the jobs. Said goodbye to Melissa. Left my family and friends.

And off we went to the little town in Texas where Greg would be youth pastor of Toby's two-year-old church. A church that formerly held services in a bar.

When I crossed the threshold of our new rent house I was greeted by two dead roaches and a fog of must. We knew we were supposed to be here. We knew. But suddenly, I was scared of what we were doing. I had no friends. I had no job. I had no place that was mine to make home. I didn't want to be sad, but I couldn't stop it. I cried and I cried and I cried.

For two months.

At the end of summer, a school across the metroplex hired me to teach PE. A commute that took two minutes in Oklahoma now took forty-five. I thought about how to survive it, and my answer came in the form of a trail halfway between work and home. It was a two-mile loop that surrounded a health club frequented by many members of our church. Greg and I joined and I became the world's most grateful runner.

Every day after work I stopped at my trail and ran as many loops as light allowed. I was ashamed of how difficult our new life was for me. I thought about everything. My old friends, my family, my cute house in Edmond, now home for someone else. I thought about our life here, how hard people were on a new youth pastor, and how lonely I was.

As I ran, the green summer turned into frigid fall and everything around my trail died.

Including me.


  1. I am loving this. And BTW I ran 8.4 miles this morning. Before early serrvice. And the whole time I kept repeating to myself your words, "It's about God, and silence..." I loved it. I think I'm hooked.

  2. And, cue the tears. I am sorry that you had to endure that pain of loneliness. But, I know that it was used for good. God took you through that season so that you could live out a "me too" ministry for many new pastors wives to come!! I love you...keep 'em coming!

  3. Your story is amazing! Miss you!

  4. Man, I was SO sad when you left. It's like I was grieving the loss of our friendship that never got to really begin.